February 14, 2004
Back at the Palace
F and M&D drove me to Adhamiya today. Everybody is still here, but it feels very different. When you drive in, the first thing you see is the Alpha Humvee that was hit in December. We went out back and sat in the sun next to a very sad looking pool. It's heated, but the novelty seems to have worn off. The soldiers seem spent. Too many IEDs. Too many attacks. Too much stress. Everybody just looks forward to redeploying in the Spring. Some of them are already packing. Everybody is counting the days.
Before I left Berlin, Mr. Colgan sent me a small package of coins he had minted with Ben's face on one side and a psalm on the other. I've spent the last few days giving these to soldiers in Survey and the SF guys next door who he was very close to.
As I do this, I see that while on the outside people are getting on with the mission, all of the recent deaths have created a potent emotional mix: sadness, remorse, grief and anger. I don't sense any closure.
Progress is harder to measure now. Months ago, you could honesty look at certain things and say that they were getting better. Now, it only seems to get worse; the insurgents more brash in their tactics. Everybody thinks it is going to get worse.
